so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
