things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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