i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
