arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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