There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
