you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
