thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
