I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
