I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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