just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
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