I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
