So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
