I faked an abortion last night.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Randomize
