dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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