You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
