Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
