I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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