bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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