i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We need to get me chipped asap
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
