just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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