Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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