Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Two words: blizzard sex
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
