Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
