Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
