I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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