How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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