idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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