She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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