Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
