he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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