i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
