i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Can vaginas get frostbite?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I FOUND THE LEGS
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
