Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize