there's paper in my vomit.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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