The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
