I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
