I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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