I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
