You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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