You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
