Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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