i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
