I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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