you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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