Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
