I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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