TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
