That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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