Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Say something about gay babies.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
