i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Be still, my beating vagina.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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