So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
