Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
