I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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