It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
