Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
