The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
