AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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