God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
