About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
