1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Randomize
