we have officially lost it.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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