Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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