yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
