she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
