the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
