Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
