I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
