you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
